FIRED UP BIRTHDAY

Salustiano, diner

Middletown, connecticut

What do fire, fish tacos, and vomit all have in common? One insane series of unfortunate events… Salustiano just wanted a quiet dinner date with his wife. But that plan went up in flames—literally—when a group of drunk girls burst into a Brooklyn restaurant to celebrate a birthday.

They ordered a flaming tropical tiki drink, and thanks to one guest’s complete lack of coordination (and sobriety), the fire caught onto the birthday girl’s decorative sash. In a panic, she hurled the flaming cocktail across the restaurant—straight into a man who, as fate would have it, was allergic to cinnamon. And wouldn’t you know it? That particular drink just happened to be rimmed with cinnamon. As the man began to choke and react, his friend jumped up in alarm, accidentally colliding with a waitress carrying a tray of fish tacos. The tacos went flying—right onto a nearby vegan, who immediately threw up at the sight (and smell) of seafood.

Cue the fire department and an ambulance, responding to the cinnamon allergy and the minor sash blaze. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt. The birthday crew, somehow undeterred, kept the party going late into the night. As for Salustiano and his wife? They left the chaos behind and grabbed some snacks from a nearby bodega instead. He couldn’t help but think the drunk girl’s night only got worse from there. A comedy of errors? More like a full-blown dining disaster.