RAVIN, NICOLE & NATALIE

Ravin (38) Nicole’s Girlfriend

Nicole (34)

Natalie (34) Nicole’s Ex-Girlfriend

Cameron Park, CA (Outside Sacramento)

She’s Gotta Have It All

Nicole and Ravin have been in a happy, loving relationship for two years. They have been living together for a year (along with Ravin’s 16-year-old son, Hayden from a previous relationship.) Ravin loves Nicole deeply and wants to fast track their relationship to the next level… but there’s one thing standing in the way of a happily ever after: Nicole’s ex-girlfriend, Natalie.

Natalie and Nicole were each other’s first loves after they met in an AOL chatroom when they were seventeen. They were each other’s “firsts” on so many levels. First kiss, first dates, first girlfriends… They dated on and off for nearly ten years, the longest stretch of which was a period of seven years. Today, they consider each other more than friends, closer to family, but even the word “family” doesn’t do it justice. Because they have grown up together and navigated life’s ups and down’s together, they have solidified an unbreakable bond. A bond that proves to be problematic for people outside of their platonic bubble, but especially for Ravin.

From the outside, Natalie and Nicole do everything that a romantic couple will do together. They go on dates together, usually enjoying fine dining with wine over candle light. Nicole will rub Natalie’s feet and give her massages. Natalie is Nicole’s “go-to” person for advice, when she’s upset, when she’s in an emergency or when she simply wants to chat. Unfortunately, Ravin usually comes in second to Natalie in Nicole’s life. Ravin can’t understand why Nicole won’t give her a massage. Or go out with her on planned dates like Natalie and Nicole do on a weekly basis. How did she fall in love with a woman who is essentially in a “throuple”? Ravin has even discovered Nicole washing Natalie’s underwear. Needless to say, Ravin doesn’t understand and doesn’t like this situation.

Everyone always assumes that Natalie and Nicole are a couple no matter how adamant Natalie is to the contrary. Even Ravin’s son, Hayden, is confused about his mother and her girlfriend’s relationship. Even on the most basic of levels, Nicole seems uninterested in offering an answer to why there are no photos of Ravin and Nicole in their own home, yet there is a photo of Nicole and Natalie on top of their TV!

Natalie has been known to significantly influence Nicole in all aspects of life: including the people that she dates. Natalie’s position is that she gives Nicole’s girlfriends a hard time if she feels they are not worthy of her ex-girlfriend’s love… but so far, NOBODY has passed her test. Which begs the question… is this a test that is even possible to pass?

Nicole insists that Ravin knew what she was getting herself into when they started dating. Nicole doesn’t think that she should have to change if she made her boundaries clear from the beginning. Ravin, however, is supportive to a certain extent but it’s beginning to be clear that her relationship with Nicole isn’t progressing because it isn’t being nurtured. Ravin wants the intimacy and trust that Nicole shares with Natalie. In order to achieve that, Nicole needs to be willing to not only create some boundaries with her ex, but also to make a greater effort in their romantic relationship. It’s only fair to ask: Does Nicole really reciprocate the feelings that Ravin displays for her?

Ravin is looking for a real love connection with Nicole while Natalie isn’t willing to give up the control she has established over Nicole. Ultimately, Nicole is in the middle and needs to make some serious choices regarding her relationships. Will she be able to prioritize Ravin (or any romantic person in her life) and give them the love and attention that they need, or will being friends with her ex, Natalie, fill that role in her life?But perhaps, the most prudent question is: just how much will Ravin tolerate?