Nat & Amy

Parent: Marianne (71)

Adult Children: Amy (53) & Nat (Natalie) pronouns they/them (48)

Location: Grandview, Missouri

Marianne finds herself in the unique situation of having two daughters, Amy and Nat, at home who have struggled to thrive. Marianne often feels she has whiplash between her daughters' financial situations and inability to find and keep lasting careers and relationships. An even deeper worry for Marianne is her daughters' emotional dependence on her, particularly Nat, who is trans and faces a lack of acceptance in their conservative "Bible Belt" community. Regardless of coming out as trans Nat has always been dependent on her parents and never really left the nest. She’s always been, odd, quirky and never able to acclimate in society.

The family home has been a landing spot for both Amy and Nat over the years, with each of them embarking on their own and after failing to make it, returning back to live with Marianne. Marianne recognizes that she tends to overcompensate and enable her daughters, primarily because neither of their fathers have been present in their lives.

Nat is navigating life with a unique set of challenges and aspirations. While they possess the skills to work as an electrician, Nat didn’t feel accepted by the community when they came out and left that industry. Nat often finds themselves picking up jobs in the gig economy, such as DoorDash and Instacart, which provide them with some income but lack the stability they need to gain their independence. Nat even got fired from Uber, but she says that she quit… Their financial inconsistency and irresponsibility are a bone of contention for Marianne, who feels disrespected that Nat won't pay rent on time, yet will prioritize things like buying a new, expensive car instead. Marianne asks for only $200 a month from each of her daughters, and neither will pay even that. Nat's lack of "living up to their side of the bargain" puts strain on Marianne and Nat's relationship. One of Nat's most significant challenges is their gender-affirming journey, which they've embarked on with the painful and costly process of electrolysis on their face. Nat naturally wants more procedures to become more feminine but doesn’t have the resources to get them.

Marianne has tried giving both her daughter’s ultimatums to move out. Initially they show progress, but quickly revert into old habits. Because they are her daughters’, Marianne feels guilty and allows them to stay. However, things at home reach a fever pitch when the three do not get along. There are often loud and tense fights that leave everyone feeling more and more helpless and isolated. It’s clear to Marianne that something needs to change.

Amy's life has taken a tumultuous turn over the past seven years since her husband walked out on her, leaving her in an agonizing state of estrangement. Despite her best efforts, she has been unable to locate her estranged husband to serve divorce papers or be able to carry out the process of dissolving the marriage. Amid these personal struggles, Amy has been grappling with substance abuse. To make ends meet, she takes on various odd jobs, including caretaking, but like Nat, primarily relies on gig work. Amy has proven to be a difficult person to be around and can be aggressive and moody. Even her adult son has stopped talking to her because of her "mood swings". Amy is a self-proclaimed "night owl" and prefers to sleep in during the day, a lifestyle that doesn't always align with Marianne's expectations. Marianne has expressed frustration with Amy's tendency to spend a significant amount of time in her room on her phone, creating tension in the house. Amy will also say provocative and outlandish things to her friends and family, example: I’m a Satanist! Marianne thinks it’s for attention, but she isn’t so sure…

Although Marianne can understand her children’s complicated situations, at some point she has to think about herself and her own needs and happiness. Marianne has contemplated selling the family home. The prospect of moving into a one-bedroom apartment would force Nat and Amy to confront their challenges and find their own paths. Marianne's love and concern for her daughters could be what drives her to make such a drastic decision, but she fears that this may be the only option that will ultimately lead Amy and Nat toward independence and a healthier, more stable future.