BROTHER/SISTER: IVY (68)

SISTER: JANET (60)

Home Location: HOUSTON, TX

Ivy is a proud, drag-wearing, “he/her/they/them” pronoun affixing, Wiccan super-naturalist with extremely progressive and inclusive ideals. In staunch opposition to Ivy is their younger sister… Janet is a fiercely, on-fire for the lord Christian who believes everything in the Bible as the letter of the law (and then some.) Although these siblings came from the same household they turned out completely different from one another.

Ivy has always been the effeminate older brother, playing with dolls, hair and makeup, cooking and cleaning. Ivy also took on the role of caretaker for their four younger siblings as mom and dad were constantly at work. According to Janet, Ivy ruled the house with an iron fist. But according to Ivy, Janet was always head-strong and had a problem with authority. Ivy was always different. They played with dolls. They loved doing hair and makeup. They felt feminine. They knew that they were gay from a young age and therefore had a difficult road ahead in conservative Texas. For many years Ivy performed in drag, including Ms. Gay Houston and found odd jobs around the local LGBTQ community. Ivy has always been compassionate, inclusive and accepting because they know all too well what it means to be different and ostracized for those differences.

Janet hasn’t always been the extreme Christian she is today. She had her children by accident in her mid-twenties and although she loves her children very much, they were not planned. She then found the lord and has been celibate most of her life. Janet has had her own difficult road in life: toxic relationships, struggling to raise two children, living pay-check to pay-check. Where Ivy found her own form of self-expression and coping in a difficult world (the LGBTQ community,) Janet instead found Jesus. Ivy believes that Janet’s deep dive into Christianity stems from her struggles as a single mother. Christianity offers her a fool-proof road map to avoid conflict and heartbreak in a difficult and unforgiving world.

The sibling’s relationship has always been complicated over the years. Janet and Ivy share many things: a wicked sense of humor, a biting ability for a “hot-take,” a shared interest in fashion and beauty. They’ve been close but over the years as each has settled into their chosen tribes, the chasms between the two have widened.

Now, Janet has raised her two children in an extreme Christian environment. Her children Erica and Solomon, both in their mid-thirties, each still live at home with mom, and even more eye-brow raising: they are both virgins. When she isn’t working as a counselor Erica is working at an abstinence group that visits schools and churches spreading the word of God and the importance of sexual purity. Solomon is on a different level. He’s in school now getting his masters in divinity and preaches on the side. His views are extreme, even for the Christian religion. Because it says so in the Bible, Solomon has forbidden shrimp and shellfish in their home. According to his biblical research the Easter and Christmas holidays are based in paganism so he’s forbade the celebrations (and the decorations!) in their home. Solomon also has controversial beliefs as it relates to gender roles in a Christian relationship: women should be subservient to their husbands. No questions asked.

Today Janet and Ivy couldn’t be more opposite and it causes extreme conflict in the family. Janet fundamentally doesn’t understand or accept Ivy’s life choices and lifestyles. She doesn’t understand or accept same-sex attraction, siting that it’s unholy in the eyes of the Lord. Janet is ashamed and confused by the concept of multiple pronouns and alternate forms of gender expression beyond male and female. Spiritually, these two are also diametrically opposed. Ivy dabbles in pagan based rituals that involve lighting candles, praying to deities, praying to mother earth and nature…Janet interprets this form of spiritualism as dark and anti-Christ. Ivy in turn has a hard time understanding her sister and her choices. Ivy finds it especially unfortunate that Janet has passed down a narrow and rigged mind-set to her two children. Erica and Solomon, now at 35, haven’t truly experienced life! They’re living at home for heaven’s sake and neither has truly had an adult, romantic relationship.

To her credit, although Erica is very religious she doesn’t see Ivy through the same lens as her mother. She loves and accepts Ivy. Does she believe in everything Ivy does? No. Does she let it impact her relationship? No. Today, Erica is taking it on herself to be the catalyst for connection and change in her family. When Ivy and Janet’s parent’s passed, no one stepped up to keep the family together. Janet has taken it on herself to plan a family reunion every year, but every year it seems some sort of chaos or conflict erupts. This year Janet wants to have a reunion but is unsure if she should invite Ivy. Ivy doesn’t make these situations any easier. Ivy is quick to throw shade and brings a sassy attitude if they feel attacked or insulted, creating family conflict. Erica wants to involve Ivy in the reunion. Erica is always the person behind the scenes inviting and including Ivy, whether Janet likes it or not. 

The family has experienced its fair share of death and tragedy. They attend on average 2-3 wakes or funerals a year for extended family members. This has only reinforced the importance of life and relationships for Erica who is doing everything in her power to mend the relationship between Ivy and Janet.  She refuses to take her family for granted and refuses to let her family take it for granted either. Although Janet and Ivy seem to have insuperable differences, Erica sees the potential for a beautiful coming together. If they don’t kill each other first…