ABANDONED HER HUSBAND:
SHANNA AND JAMES
LOS ANGELES, CA
Shanna and James met in 2001 in Shanna’s home of central Asia. Shanna and James both worked for an oil company in Kazakhstan. Shanna is originally from Kazakhstan and James was an American working abroad. She worked as an interpreter and James worked in security.
Her mother was a bookkeeper and her father worked in an oil company. He was a very influential person and therefore Shanna enjoyed a privileged life growing up. Shanna had several sisters that she grew up with and to this day is very family oriented.
Coming to the United States in the early 2000’s was extremely difficult for Shanna. Entering a new world and new culture and saying good bye to her friends and family was extremely difficult for Shanna. To this day, Shanna remains homesick and torn between her home country and the United States, the place that she has tried to make home for the past twenty years.
James and Shanna lead a seemingly idyllic life in San Luis Obispo where they moved and settled to. They have a handsome and well-adjusted 21 year old son who is a college student. Shanna and James had a quiet, civil and pleasant marriage and life, albeit noneventful and full of routines.
Covid, however, marked a major turning point for Shanna. Her elderly parents in Kazakhstan became very ill in the fall of 2022 due to complications to Covid-19. Shanna had to travel back and forth to/from Kazakhstan to visit and be near her ill parents.
In September of 2022 Shanna’s father took a turn for the worst. Shanna was fortunate enough to say goodbye to her father before he passed. However, the experience triggered a major change inside of Shanna and she began to question everything: Her life in the United States. Her marriage. Where she lived. What she did. What made her happy. Racked with grief, confusion and a sense of loss she returned to her husband in the United States.
October 3rd 2022 Shanna packed her things and left. She hasn’t seen or been in contact with James since October of 2022. He does not know where she is or what she is doing.
She didn’t have a plan because she was so upset. Although he asked for an explanation she only had her own confusion to offer. She needed to be alone to decide what she wanted to do with her life.
Shanna called a friend in Los Angeles who allowed her to stay with her for one month, which is exactly what Shanna did. Shanna found a job doing caregiving and book keeping part time. She now has her own apartment and her own life in Los Angeles.
Shanna’s son has no idea where his mother is or what she is doing. She isn’t in contact with him either, which makes Shanna sad and her position even more complicated.
Shanna is very close with her sisters in Asia who know the details of her situation. Her family thinks that Shanna is going through a mid-life crisis and urges her to reunite with James. Shanna doesn’t agree with her family.
Shanna admits that James is a good person and that he did nothing wrong. This abandonment is a personal journey even though it might be viewed as selfish from the outside.
Although Shanna has left her husband in a journey towards clarity, she still hasn’t found the answers she needs to move on in life. She’s conflicted and in a place of limbo. She hasn’t found a fulfilling and exciting life on her own in Los Angeles, she still feels lonely and confused. Although it would be so easy, she knows that going back to her husband and marriage is taking a step backward. She doesn’t want to go back to the unfulfilling life of her past. She doesn’t want to go back to the same people and the same routine— going back means misery to her. However, Shanna doesn’t know what would make her happy.
Although she is proud that she has decided to put her priorities and life first, she’s still stuck in limbo. Every day that she doesn’t decide makes her situation even more confusing and complicated.
Shanna has recently come back from a trip to Kazakhstan to visit her mother who is still sick with COVID. Shanna still doesn’t know if her home and family is in California or in Asia and continues to feel conflicted and lost.