Mom: Colleen (48)

Daughter: Emma (21)

Location: Mom- San Antonio, Texas  |  Daughter- Phoenix, Arizona

Mom Occupation: Technology Consultant

Daughter Occupation: Dental Receptionist/Cosmetologist

Reuniting and Reconciling 

Colleen has four kids, but none of them are nearly as attached to her as her baby girl Emma. Emma’s love language is physical touch, so whenever they’re together, she’s constantly asking her mom for massages, hugs, foot rubs, cuddles, hand-holding, (even in public) you name it. When they see each other, they have a special “hug” for one another. Emma starts the hug with a full on inhale of mom’s perfume face next to one another, then she embeds her head in the crook of mom’s neck and cocoons herself for a mother daughter hug. Colleen loves the attention and admits that she cuddles with her daughter more than with her husband. 

Colleen is a 7th generation Mormon that raised her kids under the Mormon faith; Emma, on the other hand has had a crisis of faith and has moved to Arizona and left the church. She became disillusioned by the hypocrisy and inequality and hasn’t been able to reconcile her upbringing with her intuitive set of beliefs. In Arizona, she’s tried alcohol for the first time, she drinks caffeine, and she lives with her first serious boyfriend. It’s been a year of massive change, although, she still feels comfort within the values of the Mormon faith. She’s found a group of Mormon friends in Arizona, and still feels that she has one foot staunchly in the Mormon church. She’s uncomfortable around profanity, candid talk about sex, and other areas that feels too extreme for her Mormon upbringing. Emma’s father, Mati has left the church and so have her other siblings. Colleen, on the other hand is hesitant to change still feeling ties to the community she’s been a part of for years. It’s clear that Emma and Colleen are two distinctly different people who simultaneously share an unbreakable bond. But are their values and faith fundamentally so different that they might bend or break their mother and daughter bond? Now, Emma’s moving back home to Texas with her new boyfriend in tow, eager to be reunited with her family. The catch? 

On top of this already tricky territory, Mati has a daughter from a previous relationship, Jacque, (pronounced Jack-kee) that will be moving to the U.S from Kenya along with her son in the hopes of starting a better life for the two of them. Mati, who moved to the U.S. for college from a village in Kenya, did not know about Jacque until after Jacque’s mother passed away—in fact, his entire family in Kenya kept her existence a secret. Jacque previously spent a tumultuous year in the U.S. in the early 2000s when Mati first learned she was alive. A teenager at the time, Jacque struggled to connect with Mati and his new family, butting heads frequently with Colleen and lashing out at times. After that year, she ultimately moved back to Kenya, though she stayed in touch with her family and continued the Mormon faith she had been taught in her time in America. Once Jacque gets a visa for her son, she plans to stay with Colleen and Mati until she gets on her feet in the U.S. Jacque is the only other person left in the family (aside from Colleen) who still practices the Mormon faith. Colleen is hoping that their shared Mormon values will be common ground for them to reestablish their once rocky relationship. 

Meanwhile, Colleen goes along with a lot of what Emma wants for her new life out of fear of losing her, even when these lifestyle changes are at odds with her faith. As Mati says, his wife struggles with the question, “How do you support your daughter while still holding on to yourself and what you believe is right?” Colleen still has good friends and ties to the Mormon community; as much as she wants to be there for Emma, it’s not easy to walk away from the life you’ve always known. Colleen must accept that her daughter is now doing things the church would find inexcusable, from drinking alcohol to having sex before marriage. Mormons believe that, when all family members belong to the church, the entire family will be eternally bound forever. When just one member leaves, the eternal bond is fractured, and you will no longer have an eternal family. Now that Emma has left the church, causing other family members to follow suit, Colleen no longer has that solace of eternal life to look to. Jacque is the only child left in the family that Colleen can practice her faith with. 

In the past, family time was entirely tied to the church. Every single night was scripture study back before Emma left. Now, Emma and Colleen will have to find new traditions. Colleen has only just started drinking coffee, and Emma hopes that regular Starbucks trips can be something fun for the two of them. Emma is working up to having a glass of wine with her mom, but coffee is a big first step! It’s going to be a difficult path, but these two are determined to find common ground, and become even closer as mom and daughter.