HUSBAND: ANDREI (30)

wife: STEPHANIE (38)

HIGHLANDS RANCH, co

From two polar opposite worlds and against all odds, Andrei and Stephanie are navigating what it means to be married to someone who’s their complete opposite. While Stephanie grew up in an upper-middle-class, African American family in Philadelphia, Andrei was born in third-world Belarus…a country and culture worlds away. Stephanie was raised with money and education, whereas Andrei grew up in a factory family with humble resources and little access to education.

The couple met at a bar in Florida roughly ten years ago. Andrei was visiting as a tourist from Russia and Stephanie was bartending at the time. They both thought that the other was attractive so they started to flirt. The only problem was that they didn’t speak each other’s languages. They started by Andrei’s friend interpreting for them. Despite the cultural and language barrier, they quickly fell in love and within a year they were married. Today they own a business and have three beautiful children: Onyx 2, Teigan 5 and Xavier 11 (from a previous relationship.) However, Stephanie and Andrei have never lived near family, so it’s always been just the two of them navigating what it means to be married to a very different person while trying to raise children, build a life together and nurture their marriage. They admit that they are still learning one another…and they don’t always get it right. The eight-year age gap, (she is 38 and he is 30,) in addition to the different genders, different races and different cultures only adds to the confusion.

Andrei and Stephanie are different on a number of levels. She is outspoken, quick to state her opinion, demands respect and equality. Andrei on the other hand isn’t used to strong, independent women. In his culture, wives are traditionally quiet and subservient, something Stephanie will never be. They like different foods. Different music. They also don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to politics, parenting or money.

Andrei is a huge fan of Trump, while Stephanie doesn’t approve of his politics or public persona. As a business man, Andrei views Trump as someone who was good for the American economy. He believes that with Trump in office, his business will do better. Stephanie is black and grew up with an older father who experienced segregation firsthand, so she’s passionate about black rights and their place in society and culture - while Andrei couldn’t even understand why the live action Little Mermaid with a black Princess Ariel was so important for Stephanie to share with her daughter. Their household is a revolving door for holidays, as together Andrei and Stephanie try to accommodate each other’s practices. And even when their holidays do overlap, like Christmas, they celebrate totally differently - Stephanie believes it should be a time to spoil their kids with presents and goodies galore, while Andrei is set with one gift each. 

The couple is very different as it relates to money. Andrei grew up with a scarcity mentality, in Belarus he would only have enough food and resources to get by. He knows what it means to sacrifice and live humbly. Stephanie on the other hand was raised in a more comfortable financial situation so her attitude towards money and creature comforts is significantly more relaxed.

Andrei is an entrepreneur by nature, he even owned a hockey school in Moscow when he was 18 before coming to the United States. Now, the pair co-own a moving company business together. The company was profitable and successful for several years until there was a major accident with one of their trucks. Since then, insurance companies have been charging  extreme premiums which have negatively impacted their bottom line. Now, the family who was used to riches has to make sacrifices and downsize their lifestyle, forcing Stephanie to say goodbye to many of her indulgences. Andrei traded in Stephanie’s Maserati behind her back for example. As one could imagine, that didn’t go well… Andrei knows how to survive with less, but this is a major stress for Stephanie, and ultimately a point of contention for the couple.

Andrei and Stephanie have different approaches as it relates to parenting. Stephanie is free-spirited, emotionally engaged and the “nice cop,” to Andrei’s strict, cold and authoritarian “bad cop.” It doesn’t stop there. Andrei loves hockey but it’s too cold for Stephanie (who’s an aspiring dance mom.) They bicker about their kids interests and what they’ll do and be when they grow up. In terms of education, they are also divided: Stephanie wants the kids to have the best education possible, while Andrei doesn’t want to pay extra for a private school that he doesn’t believe will really make a difference in the long run. Andrei is also less open minded as it relates to gender roles and self-expression, if their son wears something pink, it’s a discussion, because in his mind pink is a “girls” color. Stephanie can’t tell if her husband actually believes this antiquated notion or if she’s battling the programming of a culture and concept from Belarus 25 years ago…

The extended family’s opinions aren’t helpful either: Stephanie’s sisters think Andrei is rude, and Andrei’s parents disapprove of the simple fact that Stephanie isn’t Russian. His family still lives in Russia, but visits on occasion. Stephanie’s family lives in Philadelphia and visits when they are able to. They don’t have any family in Colorado, just friends.

Another major question mark is where the family will live. They originally met in Florida, but bounced to Oregon for work. Stephanie cried every day because of the rain and dismal weather so they moved to Denver. They don’t like Denver either and are contemplating moving back to Florida. Andrei think that Florida will be economically profitable and the beautiful weather and quality of living will be beneficial for their family. Stephanie isn’t so sure. In the land of “Don’t Say Gay,” and potential for book banning, she questions that culture and educational system that she would expose her children to.

Ultimately this couple is very much in love, but they seem to be fighting more often than they are enjoying one another. At one point will they be living and not always trying to “see one another’s side?”